August 2007

August this year has been an insane month for me. It has been such an excruciating time emotionally, and I could actually feel the effects of stress physically. It is useless trying to tell yourself to calm down and arrest the stress, it does not happen that way. Your body doesn’t listen if your mind is whirling.

How do you soothe your mind ?

Sure, lots and lots of people go through similar crisis. It is a fact of life, Things happen this way. You aren’t the first person experiencing this. And so on.

Yes, I know.

The facts are – It is hurting, yes, it will hurt, and time will heal, and you will learn to get through this.

Like hell that helps.

Looking back, I still can remember just after chatting with my father, the thought came to my mind, that it was a good thing that he is healthy and leads an active life. Although it means staying away from home for months, at least he is engaged in his work, and busy enough to keep way from the worry we all shared at that point. As a family, we have fretted, worried, and worried about this just not happening the way it should in spite of all our endeavors.

And the next thing I know is that he is the hospital.
How did that happen?

I felt relief hearing it was not an accident. It cant be bad, I tried to tell myself. He is generally fit, he is aware of his diabetes; he will be out of this in a jiffy.

If only.

It had started just like that for my mother.
She too had felt discomfort, and didn’t know that she was having an attack.
And then we lost her within two years.

Does it have to happen when I am pregnant?
I don’t see the relation, but then it has been both the times. How can I not be aware of it?
And fret and feel miserable.

From a small discomfort and a visit for a general checkup, I couldn’t accept that it was just a minor heart attack.

And then how about an Endoscopy ?

No this more serious than that.
Oh, by the way, go to Bangalore, Panjim isn’t the right place.

Let’s go for a bypass. That will be the right solution.

Just one ?

No, He needs four.

Couldn’t help but wonder if this nightmare is rerunning all over again.

No, it can’t be.

As I listed reasons why it can’t the overwhelming fear lingered on.

Well, the things that you count on as being reasonably intact and in control, when they turn unpredictable, they shake you so.

Its times like this that everything that you believe in and trust takes a beating, and the fleeting-ness of life stares at you.

Thankfully, I could fly home and spend some time. See for myself how things are.

October is almost ending now, and I am just beginning to breath easily now since things are slowly getting back to 'normal'.

At least it seems so now.

Two things I have learnt from this
Be grateful for the life and health that you have.
Not so charmingly, I can separate genuine well-wishers from the rest.

I hoped desperately that family and friends we counted on would stand by us during this difficult time.

It’s been a mixed bag so far.

Superfruits

Superfruits? Acai. Jujube. Seabuckthorn. Goji. Mangosteen. Pomegranate. Blueberry. Raspberry.

some good links


http://www.superfruits.org/

http://www.webmd.com/content/Article/104/107640.htm